Cinco de Spanko!

I'm mad.

It’s never a good idea for me to deal with Pura when I’m angry. I give discipline, not abuse. Anger is what prompts abuse…so I walked away from her for now. I figure when I'm done blogging I will have vented and calmed enough I won't walk back in there steamed and have to regret my actions.

Here's what happened:

I bought Pura her phone last year, because I wanted to put her in a family phone plan to save myself some money, and also because as long as she had a phone number her mother knew, her mother would call and abuse her. I'm not using that term lightly. Pura has always been abused verbally and emotionally by her mother.

When I walked in on it one day, I took the phone from Pura and told her mother that the phone was being shut off, and it she wanted to contact Bethany anymore, she could call my phone. I gave her my number and hung up the phone in the middle of her violent harangue.

I was a little afraid Bethany would hate this and would say I was being unduly controlling, but she was so relieved she cried. I got her a great little phone with the instruction, "Do not ever call her from this phone, Pura. I want her to go through me to talk to you. I won't let her mistreat you anymore."

I was not trying to keep Pura from her family. I have a very large, loving, crazy family. I would never allow anyone to keep me from the people I love. And I would never do that to Pura. I just wanted to be near when she talked to her mom, because the woman was horrible to my sweet Pura, and she talked Pura around in circles.

I asked Pura if that was okay, not a question I usually ask, and she said it was. I thought that was the end of it. For over a year, her mother has contacted her only through me. Pura even blocked her on her social networking sites. 

I should have noticed awhile back when things changed. Pura was more cross than usual. She has been having a hard time staying focused and getting things done. I assumed that the end of the semester was the cause. Pura loves summer, but she struggles with change. I assumed she would settle down in a few weeks and go back to being the sweet girl I know she is.

Her attitude had nothing at all to do with school's end. She is super happy to be done for the semester!

She's upset because her mother has been calling her for a couple weeks, and the abuse has started all over again! I cannot believe Pura did not tell me about this earlier. The only reason I know now is because I walked in on her talking to her mom and recognized it immediately from the tiny fetal ball Pura was lying in on the bed. Her phone is shut off and in my pocket now, but Pura had some explaining to do!

"Who gave her this number?" I asked.

She looked up at me with pained eyes. "My sister," she squeaked out. Her sister is not supposed to have this number, either, and for this exact reason!

"When did she start calling you?" I demanded.

Pura crawled up onto her knees and moved toward me, trying to calm me down, seductive-style. That was not going to happen! I grabbed her and gave her a brief handspanking over her skirt.

"You answer me!" I demanded.

She welled up. "A few weeks," she admitted. "I didn't want to stress you out about it. I thought I could handle it."

This made me angrier. "It's my job to handle it! Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I don't know," she said. "I knew you would be mad that I called my sister on this phone, and I didn't want to make you mad."

I was mad that she called her sister! "You know you can call them any time you want from my phone! If your mother has your number, she thinks she can say anything she wants to. And she has, I can see it in your eyes! If she goes through me, she treads carefully. This is for your safety, Pura! I won't have you being sneaky about this!"

"I didn't want to make you mad."

"I am mad!"

She pulled a pillow to her chest and whispered into it, but I am well-adjusted to her snide sideways little comments. "I know. This was what I was trying to avoid."

"Don't be sassy!" I snapped. She always gets sassy after she's talked to her mom. "This is very serious to me! You have to have a phone, Pura. It's not safe to go without one. But they are not allowed to have private access to you!" Before I said anything more, I called the phone company and changed her number. On a Saturday, thank you very much. I'm the shiz. I also put a block on her mother's number and her sister's.

When I returned to Pura, she was on the computer! Like she had not done anything at all wrong! Then I saw what she was doing. She had re-friended her mother on her social network and was trying to break that connection when I walked in. I was shocked.

"Do you want her in your life more than I allow?" I asked. "Are you chafing with my restrictions?"

At this point she explained to me how she had been bullied by her sister on the site to allow her mother access again. Pura has been feeling pretty healthy and balanced, and so she could not imagine why she wouldn't be able to handle it. If she had wanted that, I would have permitted it, but she did not even tell me! After a week or so of that, her mother manipulated her into giving her sister her direct number. She did it, and within a couple days, her mother had the number, too.

I wanted to call that horrible woman and give her a piece of my mind, but it was not in anyone's best interest.

"I'm sorry," Pura said. But I was too mad then to listen.

"You can't have it both ways, Bethany! You can't be my slave and then pick and choose what restrictions you follow. Your safety is my utmost concern. How dare you do this without talking to me?"

I told her to stay there and I walked away, because I could tell I was too mad to do anything about it right then.

I'm about to go back in there and deal with this. I'll post later about how that went...